Does My Sexiness Upset You?

Still I Rise

“Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise that I dance like I’ve got diamonds at the meeting of my thighs?” 

These poignant lines gleaned from Maya Angelou’s “Still I Rise” speak to the epitome of a woman oozing confidence. A day after the world's women have celebrated International Women's Day, no doubt this is the feelings that many women will exude at this time.  But “what are the attributes of a confident woman? one might asks. Countless women have undergone insurmountable struggles, turmoil and upheavals in this pilgrim called life. Some become broken by their traumatic and less than welcoming life experiences. Many are at the point of giving up or may have totally relinquished any will to survive. Yet, there are those that have exerted tireless efforts in order to assert themselves and to prove their worth.   Especially in cases where a woman has been borne into less than fortunate situations, it is fundamental that she uses these circumstances to be her motivating force in her quest for self-advancement.  Many women have used their humble beginnings to their advantage, making themselves and their families proud.  Undaunted by the things they cannot change, they have committed themselves to those that they have the ability to influence.

Trauma

A very poignant example of such a confident and exceptional woman is Margeurite Ann Johnson, internationally known as Maya Angelou.  Angelou has been a wind beneath the wings of many women worldwide.  She has illustrated discarded clay can be molded into a beautiful flowerpot.  Sexually abused at age seven by her mother’s boyfriend after her parents divorced, she has experienced many other unfortunate circumstances.  Angelou told her uncle about her sexual trauma and he subsequently killed the molester.  Angelou did not speak for five years because she believed that her words were so powerful as to cause death.    Yet, broken family, emotional turmoil, sexual abuse, teenage pregnancy, to name a few, did not prevent her from realizing her dreams.  Her repugnant circumstance became a powerful tool, through the power of words, to motivate others.  A very prolific writer, Angelou is arguably the world’s greatest female poet.

Maya Angelou

 Women, and especially black women in every sphere need to be cognizant of the fact that they have to work twice as hard as their non-black counterparts, as well as relative to men, in order to reap success.  The reason for this, black women, it would appear, face a situation of ‘double jeopardy’, being black and female. It would seem that they in between a rock and a hard place. This is the reality, harsh as it may be. Notwithstanding, women should never be comfortable to accept without question, the societal dictates surrounding them.  

Surely, I am not implying that it is only women that need to work hard in striving for their goals, and to be self-assured.  It is necessary for all, men and women alike, to esteem themselves in high regard. This is especially important for women though, as they seem to be more susceptible to pain of all sorts.

Generally, people can sense whether you are confident and as such will treat you accordingly. Women who ooze a strong sense of self are less likely to suffer emotional and physical abuse from men than those who are less confident.  It appears that some men have a type of radar capable of picking up signals that women emit, they can sense whether a woman is confident.  Some men believe they need to prey on a woman’s low self-esteem in order to affirm their masculinity.  In order for them to feel good about themselves, they abuse women whether physically, sexually or emotionally - in Jamaican parlance, ‘cow jump pon weak fence’.

It is the epitome of self-assurance when individuals are brave enough to take a stand for what they believe.  A confident man for example is able to put his ego on the line, to say, “I’m sorry” without believing that it makes him less of a man.  A woman is confident if she is bold enough to defy the Euro-American standards of beauty, to wear her hair unprocessed and to be comfortable in her own skin and not succumb to the societal pressures to ‘lighten’ her colour pigmentation.  In other words, self-acceptance is fundamental.  While it is important to put yourself together and to be your best self, a woman should not feel any less simply because she is full-figured, side, dark-skinned, and does not have the height of a runway model. 

In a woman, traits representing confidence, self-assurance, assertiveness, self-esteem, are attractive.  Some argue though that there is a thin line between assertiveness and aggression.  The reality is that however, there are not enough women who ooze a high level of self-confidence, not enough women who feel like they’ve got ‘diamonds at the meeting of their thighs’.  As a result, they settle for less than they deserve while allowing others to dictate their path.

Sexy

Being sexy is not just about the natural, physical endowment of turns and curves. Women endowed with these characteristics however should celebrate these features rather than apologize for the way they are.   The ability to do this is indeed beautiful.  Being sexy certainly is the ability to let your inner person radiate onto the outside.  The ability to love another human being in as much the same way you love yourself is attractive.  So is the ability to say, “I’m sorry” and mean it. Assertiveness is an important representation of what is sexy.  There should be no apology for vocalizing feelings about issues affecting their lives.

 

How does one develop confidence?  Certainly, there is no blue print to follow. However, the first step to developing a high self-esteem is to begin to love you.  If you are unable to love yourself, then surely it will be difficult for someone else to lavish affection on you.  Accept yourself with all the imperfections while not letting them be your focal point.  Surround yourself with positive people and emulate their admirable attributes while maintaining your own individuality.  Avoid those who tell you that you cannot accomplish your goals, negative energy like yawning, is catching.

The path to confidence also entails widening your knowledge base. Keep abreast with what is happening globally.  Read inspirational books, spend time with the most important person each day - God.  Respect others.  Start with these few simple things, soon you will realize that you can stand on mountains, with others looking on, wanting to be like you.