Strength In Times Of Weakness

Sunday, 9^th January, 2011 is a day that will long be remembered as part of my spiritual journey.  About two weeks before, the church’s fellowship to which I belong learnt that that day will be commemorated as Young Adults Sunday.  This usually means that the ‘choir’ will be led by that group.  This seemed a bit sudden. Later in the week I learnt that the entire service will be planned and conducted by this group.  All including the president seemed a bit panicky. She wanted someone to lead.  Usually I would rise, jump even to the occasion.  However, leading meant I would have to do the prayer of adoration, confession and thanksgiving – I would have none of this. Are you crazy?  In public? Don’t get me wrong, I’m very much used to praying - only in small groups and when I’m alone with my Lord, Creator and Friend.

So I started to assist by calling around to find a leader.  I assured the president of the group that everything will be fine as this is when the strength of God is made perfect – in our human frailty.  Although we never had enough time to rehearse and plan a service the way we would have liked, I believed with all my heart that the God we serve would come through for us like He has done so many times before.

Fast track a little to Saturday, 8^th January, 2011 – our customary prayer and fasting session went on.  After it was through, the leader that was selected for the service on Sunday approached me and advised that God told her that she was not the one to pray and that the message was confirmed during praying at the fasting service.  So I quizzically looked at her as to why she was telling me this.  Now remember, I opted not to lead simply because I did not want to pray.  But clearly, God has a way of setting you up.  When He needs someone to carry out a task it has to be done. “It cannot be that I choose not to lead for this very reason and now you are coming to ask me to pray”, were my words to her.

I said “ok” after asking a sister that I respect spiritually gave her take on the matter and said “anybody can do the prayer”.  It was clear; I was never going to win.  The truth is, I never really put up a fight as I stood ready to go wherever God leads.  And so I agreed.

After leaving the church the Saturday afternoon, I went home and started to pray and search to scriptures to guide me as to what to pray about that Sunday.  I spent a few hours in between reading the Word and praying intermittently.  I felt weak. 

I went back to church the evening for rehearsal with the rest of the choir and to practice the song I would be singing with another member of the group for Sunday’s service.  I had very little strength to carry on but I persevered until it was time to leave. 

Back home the Saturday night into Sunday morning there was no sleep; I kept praying in my heart asking God to cause me to surrender totally and to remove the spirit of fear which seemed to be ever-present throughout the whole time.

Portmore United Church

Surrender

All the scriptures about dying to self were very much applicable in my time of ‘distress. Some examples are:

John 12:24-26 “unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and die, it remains only a seed.  But if it dies, it produces many seeds.  The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant will be also.  My father will honor the one who serves me”.

Romans 8:17 “ Now if we are children, then we are heirs, heirs of God and o-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory”

Matthew 16:25 “for whomever wants to save his life will lose it, but whomever loses his life for my sake will find it”

Luke 9:23 “and Jesus said, “if anyone will come after me, he must deny himself, pick up his cross daily and follow me”

Romans 12:1 “therefore I urge you, brothers in view of God’s mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship”

Galations 2:20 “I have been reified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me”

I went to church early this particular Sunday as is the custom when my group is on.  We started praying and praising.  By this time there was nothing left of me to surrender as I was totally all-surrendered.  Let me cut to the chase and talk about prayer time.  My name was called, I went to the microphone, I think a bit sheepishly.  I remember saying “let us pray”.  The truth is from thereon there are only a few lines I remembered that I uttered.  What I will say is that I suddenly felt an outpouring of the Holy Spirit upon me.  This must be what Acts chapter 2 spoke about, only I never spoke in tongues.  I knew I was going on and on, sometimes even in a prophetic way.  I felt a power I have never felt before and I have had some ‘power moments’ whilst being alone with God.  This was even more awesome.

After I eventually said amen, I was reduced to tears just thanking God for that moment – a moment when indeed God’s strength was made perfect in my weakness.  This was all because I confessed my fears to God, laid down my insecurities to Him and allowed him to use me the way He did.

This was confirmed by others who confessed that they kept hanging on to every word uttered and was intently listening for the next line to come.  Some persons lamented that it wasn’t me praying as even my voice had changed. I knew without a doubt that it was all God’s doing, to Him be all honour, praise and glory.

So when it was time to read the message from the President of the Young Adults Action Movement, I had became quite comfortable to stand in front the congregation and deliver.  Soon it was “Praise & Worship” time.  Once again, I was given the opportunity to minister to the congregation as part of the Praise Team.  Once we started signing “If it had not been for the Lord on my side”, I was completely taken over by the awesomeness of the Holy Spirit. I totally relate to this song.  The shouts of hallelujah and the brokenness and screams told the story.  If it had not been…

Shortly thereafter, I had another opportunity to minister to the congregation.  This time it was by way of a duet with another member.  The song we choose is one that has had an impact on me since approximately 17 years ago.  “He Knew Me”.  I was totally out of myself again during this time.  Pauline also ministered to the congregation. We make a great team singing together and it is the start of what I am beginning to envisage as a great ministry team, touching lives for God.

Responsibility

To top it all off, the sermon delivered on the theme, “Jesus’ vision, my mission, my responsibility”, was quite in line with what my passion.  The speaker talked about our responsibility according to the ‘great commission’.  After this message…the singing of the recessional hymn “All to Jesus I surrender” seemed appropriate.  Thanks be to God. May you continue the work you have begun in me and see me through to the day of our Lord, Jesus Christ. Sometimes the road gets really rocky but then I’m reminded that God will never leave me nor forsake me…an assurance that keeps me hanging on to faith even when I feel so inadequate. What blessed assurance!